I’m going to stop trying
to justify my existence.
I’m going to accept that
some people are just lucky
and some aren’t,
that the absence of sacrifice from my life
has had more to do with circumstances
than with willingness,
that the pleasures I’ve enjoyed
have not necessarily come
at the expense of another.
Any day now
I will extinguish the anger
which has simmered just beneath the skin
for nearly a half century.
I will admit how little it mattered,
what an empty offering it has proved
to those who suffer.
Any day now
I will begin to measure my performance
against history rather than fables,
to recognize nothing unique in my story
or even in how I’m feeling right now.
I will simply sit here on my porch
from where no sign of hatred, inequity or
destruction may be seen
and calmly sip my morning coffee.
Any day now
I will undergo a transformation
shedding my identity of witness to a thousand woes
learning to live placidly
in the habit of unassuming archivist.
Any day now.
But not today.
Michael Brandt, Arena